BAD MOTHER

I will never leave you, you were left in this abyss long ago,

Darkness came upon you, swallowed you and wouldn’t let you go.

I never told you about the pain I felt, no, you will never know,

Your mind swirling, twisted and turning where those winds blow.

Did you know when you carried me home, gave me a name,

gave me an identity to grow in to, gave me a life I could claim?

Picture the family smiling, fading into shadows inside the frame.

I will someday light the fire and throw the memories into the flame.

I will never forget your insults, words that repeat in my mind,

No matter how hard I try to hide them, they’re easy to find.

Stabbed a thousand times, cut out my tongue, left me blind,

The ropes that scarred me, connect us still and will never unwind.

You took a child who had no comprehension, had no choice,

You cut me to the quick, took away my self-worth, silenced my voice;

Now I touch those scars, outline them with my finger, making no noise,

Mother dear, your abuse has no regard for the innocence it destroys.

I cut you loose, drowned out your shouts and insults, to be freed

From your sickness, your putrid stench, your narcissistic breed,

And took the blade, cut you out of my mind just to watch you bleed.

It was never me, it was you Mother - you were the blighted seed.

Yes, I stood in the shadows while the other was treated like gold.

It wasn't his fault that he shined while I was covered in mildew and mold, 

Little brother, she was warm to you, but I felt the chill, lived in the cold,

And now you live your life unencumbered while I tend to the old.

I will never hold you in contempt for the decisions that woman made.
You go on and live your life with memories that will never leave you afraid.

I do my duty knowing right from wrong, still feeling betrayed.

I’ll find no comfort in her death, I’ve grown numb sitting here watching her fade.

M Teresa Clayton