THE DELICATE KIND (with option to listen to recitation)

What is real and what is imagined? Nightmares that will not end when we open our eyes, the sounds growing louder - mother comes to comfort you and tries to convince you, it is all in your mind.

Then you hear it, the sirens! What could they mean? - she comes in again to reassure you that it just means it's all clear, but take precautions if you decide to go out there...

A child is being born and the pain is real - but "they" are telling you it will be okay, just breathe, relax - A new baby is here! healthy and pink and no comprehension of the dimensions of death...

Was it ever real? or just stories we keep telling ourselves? - (thank you L. O'Donnell - Piratas De Dios)

A creepy little poem - what is real? am I awake? why do they keep telling me it's okay? ignore the pain? the pain is real, isn't it? what are the stories I tell myself?

THE DELICATE KIND

It’s okay - you’re fine - every thing is alright

Just a bad dream in the middle of the night

Turn on the light,

(turn on the light)

Your dream gave you a terrible fright

Rub your eyes and regain your sight

There are no monsters behind the door

There’s nothing slithering across the floor

Try to ignore,

(try to ignore)

No reason to get up and explore

Your nightmares can’t hurt you no more

Put reality back in the drawer

Place the truth back on the shelf

Turn the sound down a little lower

Listen to the stories you tell yourself

It’s all in your imagination dear

You know nothing bad ever happens in here

What did you hear?

(what did you hear?)

The sirens sounding out the ‘all clear’

Now let those visions disappear

I’m sure it’s just something in the air

Cover your mouth if you’re going out there

Only if you dare,

(only if you dare)

At your own risk; buyer beware

Side-effects are extremely rare

Put reality back in the drawer

Place the truth back on the shelf

Turn the sound down a little lower

Listen to the stories you tell yourself

Relax; now take a deep cleansing breath

One hard push and a wide open breadth

Out of the depth,

(out of the depth)

Newborn takes her first mortal breath

Healthy and pink, no illusions of death

It’s alright; you’re just losing your mind

Yours was always the ‘delicate’ kind

Push the rewind,

(push the rewind)

Looking for answers you won’t ever find

A case of the blind - leading the blind

Put reality back in the drawer

Place the truth back on the shelf

Turn the sound down a little lower

Listen to the stories you tell yourself

M TERESA CLAYTON

THE TRUTH ABOUT TIME - HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE?

According to this census, the average male born in 1970 will live to be 70 years old; the average female – 75.

1950? M = 66 F – 72  1960? M = 67 F = 74  1980? M = 70 F = 78

What does this mean for you?

From the age 0 – 18 you are still learning life, going to school and answering to mom and dad. 

From the age of 18 – 25 you are most likely extending your education, meeting your future spouse and possibly preparing to enter the job market.

From the age of 25 – 35 the average couple has married and are preparing for a family of their own, making major purchases, establishing their careers and learning to balance work with play.

According to the census above – if you were born in 1970 you are now at the half-way point in your life. So far you have lived independently, making your own choices, and exploring all aspects of life for approximately 15 years. How is it working for you thus far?

From 35 – 45 you will fall into the “inventory” years, you will decide if your choices are working for you, making you happy, bringing you success. This will be the time when changes are usually made – life changing choices – divorce, job changes, moves… and this will be the time in your life when you will either realize your dreams or find yourself struggling to stay above water.

Now for the bad news. If 70 is your expected life span in years, you will most likely begin experiencing life changing health issues (which will impact your finances as well as your ability to physically partake in those dreams you once dreamt) at the age of 65 on average. You can now remove those last five years from your plans to realize those trips abroad, partaking in activities that require physical activity and strength like snow skiing, boating, hiking, swimming, flying, etc.

Now, if you have children, you will be expected to donate to their education and/or help them out when they hit rough times. There goes the $$ security you thought you had.

Doing the math, you now have approximately 20 years to make the best of your life while you can. Assuming you have the finances to make those trips and do those exciting things you dreamt about, let’s ask this question – are you still in your first marriage? Do you have a partner to share your last 20 year of bliss with? 

Twenty years. Still have to plug away at that job and find time for living your dreams during those vacation periods! Will your children be coming with you? 

Twenty years. Are your bills paid up? Your credit in good standing? How much free time do you really have? Are your living arrangements stable? Do you have a plan if you become ill before the predicted age of 65?

NOW I ASK YOU – Have you found someone to share these last twenty years with? If not, you will probably never take those trips abroad, take those vacations to exciting and new places, you will probably not have the opportunity and/or the motivation to realize those dreams you once had.

At 50 you will begin to acknowledge your own mortality. You will begin the long descent into regret. If you have children, they will be giving you grandchildren and maybe that will be enough to carry you through… but you still have dreams.

At 55 the life you are living is the life that will sustain you.

At 60 the life you are living is the life in which you are dying.

Every day is a gift.

Every opportunity is a gift.

Every choice is a gift.

Find that special someone who loves you as much as you love them.

Learn to live with enough. Take risks. Spend your money and take those trips and see those places you always wanted to see. Do all the things you wanted to do. Experience as much happiness as you can in these years.

If you have found your soul-mate, you are blessed beyond words – you will never be alone, you will always have someone by your side to weather the good times and the bad. When you can no longer physically live your dream your soul-mate will still share your dreams in remembering, imagining and by holding your hand and giving you the gift of love.

You think you have all the time in the world – you don’t. 65 is the average life span of a man born in 1970 – not a guarantee. The quality of your life is not assured either. If you have the chance to love – then love. 

Do not let anything keep you from what matters most – because without someone to love and love you in return… dreams rarely come true.

M TERESA CLAYTON

all citations are with the original post in AEA Magazine.

A LESSON IN FORGIVENESS

A LESSON IN APOLOGIES

“I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

“NO!  I will not forgive you and I don’t accept your apology!”

“Then forget it, I’m not sorry! I take back my apology!”

How often do we hear these words exchanged between two people?  How many times in our own lives has this been our own words?

For this lesson we are focusing on the dynamics between two individuals where one has offended the other - the words “I am sorry” convey a genuine remorse or sorrow for something that is done or said to another person which caused pain (emotional and/or physical.

Genuine, real, true, heartfelt - these are all words that describe the intention behind an apology.  Empathy, remorse, personal accountability, acknowledgment of the consequences of our actions or words; this is what informs us of our errors and leads us to seek resolution between ourselves and whomever we have personally offended.

To offer an apology is to offer yourself up to the injured one(s) and lay open your own vulnerabilities in order to right the wrong. It is humbling, no doubt. However, the reward is in acknowledging your own faults to yourself and to others, and healing your own wounds as well as possibly healing the one you have injured.

Here’s where we get lost – we expect that once we have swallowed our pride and offered an apology for our actions/words, the injured party will immediately accept this and everyone is happy to move on.

NOT SO FAST!

YOUR APOLOGY IS INDEPENDENT OF OUTCOME

That’s right!

If the injured party does not accept your apology, it does not negate the apology (assuming it was genuine, real, true and heartfelt).

You see, making an apology is your choice. There are many who feel badly for things they have said and done but never make it to the actual “offering” of an apology to the injured. Taking that extra step requires a level of conscience, of personal dignity, of honorability and selflessness. Good for you if you can reach the point of offering an apology and take responsibility for your actions if they have hurt someone.

But, when the injured party says they aren’t interested in accepting the apology or are not forgiving of your actions or words – this becomes their choice, independent of your choice to offer reconciliation. The act of forgiveness is independent of the act of contrition.

If your apology hinges on receiving forgiveness then your apology is coming from a selfish place, not a selfless one!

Assuming you did something or said something that hurt someone if you come to understand this transgression and are willing to atone for it, then it does not require acceptance and/or forgiveness to be validated. This is your moment of clarity.  This is your moment of correction. This is your moment of balance. You do this alone.

A LESSON IN FORGIVENESS

Just as the one who asks for forgiveness stands alone in his/her moment of atonement – you too, stand alone in your extension of forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not require an apology.

An apology does not require forgiveness.

Each stands on its own merit.

Each draws from a separate source.

Each provides a different type of peace.

Each is whole unto itself – not a part of the other to be complete.

Here is how that opening dialogue should have gone:

“I am sorry, please forgive me.”

“NO!  I will not forgive you and I don’t accept your apology!”

“I am sorry for what I have done or said that hurt you. I can accept that you refuse to forgive. I am still very sorry for hurting you.”

And just as the above is perfect in its intention, so is the following:

“Though I have never gotten an apology, I forgive him/her.”

“Why would you forgive someone who can’t say they are sorry?”

“…Because forgiveness is my choice. It has nothing to do with the apology – that would be their choice; their journey.”

WHILE OTHERS CAN SUPPORT YOU THROUGH HARD TIMES –

EMOTIONAL HEALING IS PERSONAL – IT REQUIRES NOTHING

FROM WITHOUT AND EVERYTHING FROM WITHIN.

M Teresa Clayton