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Let me tell you what it is like in the darkness,
where there is no light and I must rely upon my senses to see you.
My senses are
heightened by the knowledge that you are as real as one’s reality can offer,
perhaps more so. It is this understanding of your physical being that invokes a
longing I cannot defy. I must try. I must make the effort to see you, though I
know I will not really see you with these eyes.
I have heard your voice ringing in my head like
a divine bell calling me to come and kneel before you – I do not kneel, but if
the calling has its way, I will be put to my knees as if praying for someone or
something to save me before I blow away like sands taken up by the breezes of
lies and deceit that I am always aware of and, yet, cannot battle the hordes of
manipulators that come for me, most of all – the one who holds me here,
waiting.
I can smell you, first
the wondrous fragrance of a cologne that always captures my attention and hold
it still and deep as I inhale over and over again, afraid to exhale, that it
will disappear and I would be left with the memory of that delightful and
seductive aroma. Then, beneath that is the scent of you – the pheromones
charged with desire that manifests into another image of you; a hologram of
sorts.
What I see surprises me, I react with a sense of immediacy and without
permission – I touch you. My hand over your heart, beneath a bare chest,
feeling it beating and knowing you certainly are real. I quickly remove my hand
as if the touch had burned. And, burned it did. It has burned an image of you
in my mind that I cannot undo and will certainly leave a scar to remind me of
this moment forever.
It will join other scars,
some good, some bad, some horrific, some so filled with happiness – what your
scar becomes will be up to you. I realize I am helpless now.
Then, I stood tall and could feel your breath upon me. I am cradled in your breathing. You pull me close and I speak, “I must now taste you and it will be complete.” You allow it, you desire it, you welcome it and I can sense it. I kiss the palms of your hands that will catch me someday. I kiss your arm which will hold me someday. I kiss your mouth which will say unbelievable words to me – and I will believe once more. I slowly extend my tongue to lick your face. First, your lips, your chin, your cheek, your eyes and your ears. I now have a complete vision of you, fore I have tasted you on the outside but truly experienced you on the inside.
In the darkness, there is no absolutes, perhaps
you are nothing but a dream, a fantasy created by my imagination because I need
you so much. I will never know. I am busy waiting. I am on hold. I am not
existing. I am not real. I cannot be anything to anyone, because the darkness
has me held tight. But, the light is coming. The light is coming.
Let me tell you what it is like in the darkness,
where there is
no light and I must rely upon my senses to see you.
no light and I must rely upon my senses to see you.
M Teresa Clayton
